I write alot of posts for this blog....no, really, I do....in my head. I really wish somedays I had a computer that dictated and printed out all those brilliant posts that never get typed by me. Maybe that's a good thing!
Boundaries, Balance, Perspectives.....many of those blogs I "wrote" centered around these three words. Since quitting my part time job the first of the year (No, I didn't quit my primary full time job), I had more time to think and process through things since I'm not going straight through the day from one job to another and then usually crashing in bed at night when I got home. Now, for most people, they would jump and be excited about the opportunity to have more free time and not be going, going, going all the time. However, the past three months have been a challenge, albeit a good challenge in so many ways. Although there are days when I just want to be able to work and not have to process anything spiritually or emotionally, I feel God working in my heart, even through the struggle. I'm not even close to having figured out the challenge, but here's a brief look.
Boundaries....I struggle so much with this, both in setting boundaries and in making good judgments about respecting others' boundaries. Now, I may be very self-critical, I know that, and let's be clear that I've not crossed any legal boundaries and/or broken any laws in the process (other than the occasional speeding and texting while driving...oops!) But, although I strongly desire true friendship with others, I tend to push people away when they get too close and yet push boundaries with others in an attempt to "prove" myself or get them to "like me" or "approve of me."
Balance...I've said so many times in the past months how I would like to figure out this word and what it means. When do I give grace and when does a behavior, etc. have to be confronted and dealt with. When do I have to stop saying "yes" and seek to protect my own health, time, etc. When do I invite people into my life and when do I set those boundaries to again, protect myself or my family, etc.
Perspectives...I am more and more aware of how many of my friends and acquaintances and even family members have such different perspectives from each other. I am more and more aware of how our experiences, our environment, and our belief systems infiltrate our perspectives. For instance, I have a strong passion for missions...whether here in the US or overseas. But no matter how much passion I have...I realize that I can't begin to fathom the environment that my friend in ministry in Haiti experiences each and every day and I can't come close to understanding her passion for orphans and justice, not to mention the extreme poverty she witnesses every day. On the other hand, no matter how much others in my life care about people who struggle with severe mental illness or how they have sympathy for parents struggling with children with things like Reactive Attachment Disorder or Bipolor or Schizophrenia, they can't begin to understand why I am so passionate about fighting for mental health coverage throughout our state and making quality care available to anyone who struggles....after all, why should someone who lives in Iowa be limited to seek care in state, even if their situation requires more specialized care...or if much better providers are located just across the border in a neighboring state.....just because they are on Medicaid??? Can't we figure out a better way and/or a partnership with other states? Again, that's just an example of the "perspectives" view I've been struggling with.
And then I am simply humbled by the words of the hymn "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" where it says "tune my heart to sing thy praise." May my prayer always be that no matter how much I try to figure out boundaries, balance, and perspectives, that God would bring me into perfect intonation with Him, because without that....I am nothing.
